I am the Ebert and Roper of Children's Television

Ruby loves television. She is like her Dad. Derek and Ruby go into a television trance. Derek with the History Channel, Ruby with Noggin. Derek's parents called him "TV Stevie." Ruby is "TV Stevie Jr." Some people are against television for their kids. But I always see a lot of value in television. We sit with Ruby or dance with Ruby or sing with Ruby along with the shows. We don't ditch Ruby in front of the television to take care of other things. Since we always watch with Ruby, Derek and I have developed our own kiddie TV favorites. We also have some interesting theories about some of the shows. Actually we have an opinion on all of the shows.

Noggin Shows: a sister network to Nickelodeon, Noggin's tagline is Preschool on TV. Which is perfect since there is no way I am sending Ruby to a preschool that costs more than my college tuition. Ruby is going to be a good American and learn what she needs from television, just like her parents did. Noggin airs kids shows with no commercials, and as a new parent and media planner this shocks and amazes me.

• Wonder Pets: three classroom pets, Linny the Guinea Pig, Ming-Ming Duckling, and Turtle Tuck, travel around the globe helping to rescue animals who need their help. They do it all while singing opera style and using teamwork. They celebrate by eating celery. Derek and I joke that Sweetpea put a call into the Wonder Pets, "Hello Wonder Pets, get your asses over here, they forgot to feed me breakfast." The Wonder Pets are cute and boring, perfect for little kids.
• Dora: even if you are without kids, you know about Dora. I have no idea why this show got so popular. Dora and her friend "Boots" a monkey who wears nothing but red boots walk around and with help from her backpack an map go around on little adventures. Dora constantly asks for the viewer's assistance, and after she asks a questions she stares blankly at the screen waiting for the answer. I want to clock her in the grill. POP!
• Diego: a spin off of Dora and like most spin offs, with the exception of Frasier and Angel, it sucks. Diego seriously is a crap show. The animation is bad, the story lines are dumb. I think Ruby even knows how bad Diego is. Someone call immigration cause Diego has to go.
  
• Franklin: Franklin is a turtle, and a d-bag. He lies, complains, whines, brags, and is all around irritating. I don't know why Franklin has any friends and I don't know why he is not in "time-out" for all of his bad behavior. The show is Canadian. I think that says a lot.
  
• Yo Gabba Gabba: from the first episode we watched we (Derek, myself, and Ruby) loved Yo Gabba Gabba. They have cool musical guests, like Biz Markie, and one of the dudes from Devo. They sing catchy tunes about eating and being nice, and they encourage kids to get up a dance. The show is hosted by DJ Lance Rock and the characters include Muno (who looks like a dildo), Tootie, Plex, Brobie, and Foofa. As much as we love the show we still make fun of it. Muno gave Brobie the lamest Christmas gift, a framed portrait of himself. Brobie in return gave Muno a mustaches that we think he made from his butt hair.
• Max and Ruby: The show is about a brother and sister bunny. We wanted to love the show since Ruby is the name of the character. Not only is the show bad, the character Ruby is a little bitch. She is so mean to her brother Max. And I am not alone in thinking this. My ex-boss once said, "I am waiting for the episode where Max pulls the chair out from under Ruby. " My friend Madeline said that she would like to "bury Ruby in her dolly garden." Derek said that Max should "push Ruby down the steps." These are the feelings this bitchy little bunny provokes.
• Jack's Big Music Show: This is another gem in the midst of a bunch of duds. Jack is a "muppet like" character and all of the episodes are about different kinds of music. The show is a lot of fun. And you know you have a winner when the adults watching the show are cracking up laughing.
• Backyardigans: This show is basically the Muppet Babies for the next generation. The most entertaining part of this show (for Mom & Dad) is that the Backyardigans obviously live in a really bad neighborhood. The characters are Uniqua, Pablo, Tyrone, Tasha, and Austin and they never leave their backyard. See what we mean. We are waiting for the episode where the stray bullet hits one of them.
• Wow Wow Wubbzy: From the opening song to the final credits this show is annoying. I don't even know what to say about it other then that the main character is what I think is a yellow cat or dog with a long crooked tail. For some reason I have seen the same episode like 3 times and it is the only one that I have ever seen. So there is either only one episode or the episodes are all pretty much the same.
• Pinky Dinky Doo: I have only seen one episode of this show, I think she tells stories to her little brother while sitting in a cardboard box. There is some singing. What I find most interesting is that her name is "Pinky Dinky Doo." What a ridiculous name.
• Lazytown: This show is for children who one day aspire to be eurotrash. The premise of the show is that everything can be solved by being active and exercise. The problem is two folded the puppets are creepy and the humans are creepier than the puppets. "Sportacus" the hero of the show has a strange (and inappropiate in my opinion) relationship with a little girl. The villian is this weird guy in a purple jump suit. The two main male characters wear pants that are way to tight for children viewership. Ruby is not allowed to watch Lazytown.
• Blue's Clues: Steve and Joe are the two humans that interact with a dog named Blue. Is Blue a girl dog or a boy dog? And are Steve and Joe real men? Cause they don't seem like it. Steve is better than Joe. I can't put my finger on why I prefer Steve. They are both as dense as they are asexual. You know you have watched too much Blues Clues when you sing, "We've just got a letter, we've just got a letter. We've just got a letter" and so on when the mail comes.
• Toot and Puddle: This show is about two homosexual pigs who live together. They like to travel, hang out with their niece, they have a hunky kangaroo staying with them for free, a parrot that is their houseboy, they enjoy the ballet, and they wear turtlenecks. Ok, so maybe they don't come out and say the pigs are gay. As you can see from the rest of my assestment they are gay.
• Sesame Street: Too much Elmo nowadays. Not enough Grover. Not enough Cookie Monster. Way too much Elmo. And I don't enjoy the new characters. I do love noting how much plastic surgery Luis, Maria, and Gordan have had. Bob looks so freaking old, I think he scares the children. Sesame Street is damn funny though, they know how to entertain and teach the children and be witty at the same time, and they have been doing it for a long time.

Today when Ruby and I were hanging out I couldn't put the kid's shows on. I was too tired, and I thought I would fall asleep. So we watched NCIS and Jeopardy, and we played with fake fruit and colored. It was awesome.