What does it matter?

What does it matter to a straight person if gay people get married?  Nothing.
What does it matter to a gay person if gay people cannot get married? Everything.

Fuck you Maine.

Making New Friends

About six to seven years ago I decided that I had enough friends. Derek and I were planning our wedding and decided that we couldn't make any new friends because we could not afford to invite anymore people. We were already pushing 250 guests, so it just made sense at the time to say no new friends. The wedding passed and slowly awesome people started creeping into our lives. So over the last six years we have made some awesome new friends. Some of these new friends are now our closest friends. And I wish they were at our wedding, because I think of it as the moment were all of the people we cared about were in the same room.

The new friends that have entered my life between 2004 and 2007 came in slowly. A person here, a person there, someone introduced through friend, someone that I met at work. A pretty steady stream of new friends in this time period. And as a mentioned some of these people I would consider my nearest and dearest.

Enter Ruby in October 2007, and everything changes. Life is turned upside down and rightside up and back again. I truely believe that we have not lost any friends during this time. The bond between some friendships has grown stronger, other have been redefined, and for the people that we don't get to spend as much time with I still consider them my friends. Part of friendship is understanding and I know they understand why we aren't as available as we used to be. I understand that hanging out with me and my toddler isn't the most interesting thing in the world.

Added to the list of things that "I didn't count on when I became a parent" is that Ruby would make friends for me. (Ruby and Beth (nanny) more accurantly.) In my entire life I never actually had neighborhood friends. I had friends that lived in my neighborhood, but they were my friends before I moved there, so they don't count. Ruby and Beth hang out in the neighborhood, they go to the playground, library, pizzeria... real neighborhood activities. Through these activities they have met other kids and nannies. And through these relationships that they started I have met some really cool people.

It has been a lot of fun, sometimes awkward, and hardly disappointing to go on what are essentially "blind dates" with other couples that have toddlers that are Ruby's friends. I have met musicians, artists, designers, performers... I actually think I am most least interesting of the entire group, which is kinda of intimidating.

Generally, most of our get togethers revolve around the kids. Playdates, birthday parties, holiday parties, playground, etc. But us "cool Moms" (as I have named us) have also gotten together at a local dive bar for drinks after the kids are in bed and the husbands are on duty. We have gotten together twice so far. The first time we talked about our kids for an hour, complained about our husbands for 30 minutes, and talked about how awesome we were before we had kids for 30 minutes. The second time we talked less about the kids and didn't complain as much about our husbands. A good sign that we actually enjoy each other's company and have figured out other things to talk about. (Things other than H1N1, organic vegetables, and nursery schools at least.)

So I consider myself a very lucky person. I have an incredible family. I have great old friends, plenty of fab new friends, and I made super cool Mommy friends. Plus I see that my Ruby girl is well her way to making her own old/new friends. This makes me very happy, since I personally know how important it is to surround yourself with good friends.

My Gender Made Me Like It

There is a ton of chick television on this season. I have no idea what you are watching if you are a dude, I guess sports. But can you really watch sports all of the time? Ok, stupid question. So this season's "what I am watching" is all about the chick programs.


First the new programs: 

Glee: premiere season, and so far the most "facebook status" pick of the season. The show is basically a musical comedy about a glee club. Thank you FOX, you are entertaining me with popular music and I am not resentful at all.

Vampire Diaries: it is not Buffy, Angel, Twilight, or True Blood, but it is the little bit of vampire that I need to get through the week. The characters are attractive, the plot mysterious, and the good hearted vampire is a tortured handsome soul. You can't beat that with a stick.

Eastwick: If vampires aren't enough to get me going, Eastwick gives me witches. Plus that 1/2 Asian lady that I like. Whatever her name is... So far it is cute and the lead male is hot like "Mr. Big" hot. Speaking of Mr. Big:

The Good Wife: The premise of the show is a sad one, the wife of a prominent government official is forced back to work since her hubby (Mr. Big, Chris Noth) had a scandalous video of a hooker-romp leaked and was convicted of a whole bunch of crap. But most of the show is about the case that the wife is handling at her new job and the bigger back story takes a bit of a backseat. You get enough mystery about the back story to keep you interest in the series and the individual episodes are compelling enough to entertain for the 60 minutes.

Flash Forward: the least girly of all of the new shows that I watch. If you like Lost, you will probably like Flash Forward. Mysterious thing happens to the whole wide world, everyone sees 6 months into their future during a 2 minute and 17 second "flash fwd." The first episode gave me a nightmare, but I will just have to watch it during Ruby's naps so not to lose any sleep.

Older Shows: 

Gossip Girl: Can't stop watching those over indulged spoiled rich brats that think they rules don't apply to them. I wouldn't cross the street to pee on them if they were on fire, but I'll watch them on TV.

Bones: I watch for Angel, but if he and Bones get it on, I will lose interest.

Dollhouse: I watch for Joss Whedon, and the actors from BSG .

Castle: I watch for Captain Malcolm Reynolds, see a pattern here?

The Big Bang Theory: I am not a sitcom watcher, as funny as I maybe, but I do enjoy this show.

Army Wives: This show is awful, the acting, the story, but the male actors are hot. And I can watch the show and write this blog and not miss anything.

Fun stuff for the near future

I must always be planning. The wheels must always be turning. What is next on the horizon? What are we doing this weekend? Next weekend? This month? Next month? Next year? A good plan equals good fun. And there is nothing better than having something to look forward to. So here are the plans that I am planning to plan. Plan on participating.

October
Apple picking, cider donut eating, and corn stalk mazing. This has been a tradition for at least 7 years. We usually go to a place in Princeton, NJ. This year I am thinking about changing it up and going to a place is northern NY. Much more research must be done. But we have two places in mind and two dates in mind 10/17 or 10/18.

But really October is all about Ruby's second birthday and Halloween. Ruby's birthday party has been planned in June 2009. I booked Gymboree for her actual birthday and for the kids. And we will have another party at the house the day before. (My parents are going to throw that party. Proof that I get my planning skills from them.) Then there is Halloween. Ruby has one hand me down costume, one costume from Grammie, and she will probably get one store bought constume. I am thinking a tiger. She like to roar. I was considering taking Ruby down to Breezy Point where people might spike the punch but no one would put razor blades in the apples, but we were invited to a party in the hood. So it is better to keep it local. Also I cannot imagine having to explain to Ruby that she only gets one piece of candy from each house, can't go inside the house to play, and has to walk holding a bag of candy but not eat any of it.

November
If October is about Ruby and Halloween. November is about me (my birthday) and Thanksgiving. I am thinking about going with a large group of my favorite people for dim sum breakfast. There is a place that we like in White Plains, but there are many places to be explored in Brooklyn and Queens. I think the location will be decided by whomever will take a reservation. It will be fun for grownups and kids. There are also two true and true Brooklyn places that I wouldn't mind taking my favorite friends too... L&B Spumoni Gardens and Brennan & Carr.

Thanksgiving we spend at Howie and Maria's in Douglaston. Great food and great company. Ruby enjoyed turkey and gravy just this past weekend, so I think we are all set for that. I think I am going to consider channeling a little Martha Stewart and making a couple of fancy pies. I could also just show up and eat.

December
Christmas, all about Christmas. We throw our biggest party of the year on Christmas Eve for all of the O'Callaghans (plus my folks). We have no least than 40 people in the house and we are responsible for most of the main food. Again, I want to channel MS, but for 40 people I need a professional kitchen, a week off, and a couple of thousand dollars. Usually I try to think of how I can feed a ton of people efficiently, but this year I want it to be a bit more planned out. My people always to their antipasto, I can do another pork roast (3rd year in a row) or we can do something bigger and better.

January
Right after the madness of the holidays we go to DISNEY WORLD! We are going with my brother, his wife, our friends Nancy, Greg, Justine, and their son Louis. Going to Disney World is a person who loves to plan DREAM. I get to plan where we stay, which parks, which rides, where we eat. It is going to be so great to see  Ruby's reaction to Disney. And I cannot wait for the pretzels in Germany Pavillon.

Every Year

Every year I cry during the reading of the names of the people murdered on 9/11. The people that lost their lives that day were doing nothing different from what we all do everyday. They were at work, flying on a plane, or serving the community. They didn't know that they kissed their families goodbye for the last time. They were no different then any of us are.

I would have been in front of the WTC at the moment the first plane hit if it wasn't for a doctor's appointment in Brooklyn that I had that morning. I would have been with Candace on the express bus from Bay Ridge. I didn't have to witness the panic, see the people falling from the towers, or run through the streets of lower Manhattan. I am thankful for that and I am thankful that Candace made it out of the area ok. 

I know many families that lost loved ones on 9/11. Today I think about your lost and I cry. I cry for a past that cannot be changed and a future without the people you love.

Always remember that any of us could have taken the path that would have lead us to being in those buildings or on those planes. Always remember the lost that NYC and America suffered that day. Never forget the strength, compassion, and heart that got us through the days after. And never use the memory of 9/11 as an excuse to hate.

Firefighter Daniel O'Callaghan - always in the heart of  your family

Playground Politics

I have a love/hate relationship with the playground. We frequent the Greenwood Ave playground in Kensington, Brooklyn. But really the location or specific playground doesn't matter. I think I would have the same thing to say about any playground. As I look at my feelings towards taking Ruby to playgrounds I realize that it is truly a love/hate relationship. I can put how I feel about the playground in two distinct buckets. One labeled "love" and the other labeled "hate," there is no gray area.

Love Bucket

• Ruby loves it. She sees a playground and is instantly excited. She wants to go "HIGHER" on the swing and "WEEEEE" down the slide. She wants to climb everything and run around and play with all of the kids. She is very happy on the playground.
• Being outside, especially now that it is getting a little cooler. It boosts my energy (and Ruby's) and it just feels good.
  
• Meeting all of Ruby's friends and their Moms/Dads. Ruby goes to the playground with the nanny, and when I go with her I get to meet all of the kids that she hangs out with and it really is sweet.
  
• Feeling like I am a part of the neighborhood. I never felt like I was a part of a neighborhood that I lived in before I started going to the playground. There is something about being around all of the kids and the locals that makes you feel like you are a part of something bigger.
  

Hate Bucket

• Mean children that Ruby is exposed to. I want to think that people are mostly good natured, but when you see some of these kids and the hateful things they do and say to one another it really makes me think that some people are born to be assholes. This is horrible to say, but there are little assholes running around the playground. And I want to do to them the same thing I want to do with big assholes.
  
• Stupid parents. There are two groups of parents. One group that watches their kids, one group that doesn't watch their kids. I want to yell and get into a fight with the group that doesn't watch their kids. Sure you can't and shouldn't be there at every moment. But you should make an effort to have an eye/ear on your offspring at all times. (Usually these are the parents of the little assholes.)
• Toys on the playground. Toys are for at home, keep the toys at home. That is all I am going to say about that.
• Teenagers and pre-teens on the playground. I didn't like teenagers and pre-teens when I was one, I definitely don't care for them now, especially when they are acting like animals and not being mindful of the 2 year olds wandering around. Why aren't the smoking pot in Prospect Park somewhere like a good teen would be doing?

So there they are. Two buckets. Hate and love. No matter what I will always take Ruby to the playground because she loves it so much. I just only hope that I don't tramatize her too much when I get in a screaming match with one somebody, someday. I try to focus on the things I love, so I don't get into with a Mom that is sitting there on her blackberry or socializing with other loser Moms while her 3 year old stomps on the fingers of a 15 month old. But I am just not that good of a person, I enjoy telling people they are idiots too much.

What makes me sad about this country....

I think I live in the greatest city, in the greatest state, in the greatest region, in the greatest country on earth. I really do. But a place is only as great as the people who live in it, and I have to say that the misdirected outrage and anger towards the healthcare insurance reform makes me feel that this country is made up of people who are selfish, uncaring, and short sighted. So what does that say about us as a nation?

We are the only major power in the world without a public health insurance for all. If you lose your job, work for yourself, or work for a company that does not offer insurance you must pay out of pocket for preventative treatments, emergency care, and life saving procedures. Sure a hospital won't turn you away, but they will come after you with bills that will haunt you forever. Even if you have insurance you have to deal with corporate greed that feeds into caps on service, push back for necessary procedures, and having to pay out of pocket anyway while you and your employer pay into your coverage every month. So what does that say about us as a nation?

What is on the table is a chance for people to have insurance regardless of employment or current health conditions. What is on the table is the choice for Americans to pick from a corporate insurance company and a government run insurance plan. In this job economy where I or my husband can lose our jobs and thereby our health insurance for ourselves and our daughter I think it is prudent to have the option to still be covered by a government plan. That is just common sense. Why wouldn't people want that option?

The insurance companies, the ones that make billions off of your sickness and wellness are the only ones to benefit from there being no public option. Why should the corporations have a monopoly on health insurance? Why can't the government be given a chance to prove that they can offer a better option? I do not see the harm in it.

The government already provides insurance for people over the age of 65 and people who are living below the poverty line. Why can't the working class be given the same? The government already regulates corporations to protect people. Why can't they regulate the companies that are deciding how much they should pay to make you well?

The three proposed bills for health insurance reform are not a path to socialism. They are a path to a healthier nation. I should want the best healthcare for my family and my neighbors.