It goes without staying that having a baby flips your entire life upside down. I cannot think of a single aspect of my life that was not impacted by Ruby's arrival. Of course I believe that things changed for the better. But there is a change none the less. Some things you notice more than others. For example I now have to run out of work by 5:30 everyday, or now "sleeping late" is 7AM, or a hot date consists of Derek and I seeing the new Indiana Jones at 1PM on a Friday at Kings Plaza. One major change is our social lives. The smart ass in me wants to comment "or lack there of" to follow. But the truth is that we are still social. There are just new "rules" or "wishes" that go along with it.
Here is a brief commentary of the New Social Order that goes along with parenthood. Mommies and Daddies will agree, Non-parents go an have fun without us, we kinda understand....
* Dinners out should start at 5PM. This way they don't conflict with naps, bedtimes, baths, or actually being hungry. Oh and they have to be on Saturday or Sunday only.
* Don't expect to see us out before 10PM and after 12:30AM. We have to make sure baby is put to bed, before leaving baby with babysitter. I know it is a little ridiculous to think that someone else can't put baby to sleep, but it is true. And even if baby sleeps through the night baby will still be awake at 6:30AM and won't understand that Mom and Dad were dirty stay outs.
* We need notice, lots of notice. 4 weeks are preferable. Sure you don't have to send a "save the date" for your 32nd B-Day party 4 months in advance, but honestly it wouldn't hurt. Babysitters need to be arranged and Moms need to psyche themselves up and think about what they are going to wear for at least 3 weeks to be properly presentable.
* Visitors are always welcome. But don't actually expect to be entertained, feed, or paid attention to. Oh, and we breastfeeders may do it in front of you. Get over it, it is our house.
* Parties will start after 9PM, so that we don't have to breastfeed in front of you and so that baby is put to bed. But don't ring the doorbell or make any noise in general in fear of waking the baby. (See above too.)
* Canceling should be expected. Fevers, teething, vomit, poop, fire, or forgetting are all valid excuses. But childless people cannot cancel on us. EVER. We planned way too much for your ass to cancel on us.
* Naps. They get in the way. Deal with it.
* "Child friendly" is subjective and depends on our mood. Sometimes "child friendly" is a bar at 4PM on a Sunday. Sometimes "child friendly" is your black tie wedding. It depends on the day. We mostly assume that day events that are outside are "child friendly," we are disappointed when the beer spitting/wet t-shirt contest begins, but that is the risk we take.
* We travel in packs. There is safety in numbers, plus it is harder to tell that it is your kid making all of the noise when there are 5 other kids.
* If you have not seen us in 6+ months, that just means that no one has gotten married or died. Don't take it personal.
* When we are out, and child-free we will act inappropriately and be obnoxious because: a. We hardly drink and one glass of wine wrecks us; b. We are so happy to be out we can hardly contain ourselves; c. Us moms are 20% dumber than we were before the baby (this needs a whole blog to itself); d. We are feeling guilty about being out and must hide our shame with stupid jokes and babble.
* Three hours out with the baby is a lot of time. We probably changed a diaper, did a feeding, dealt with crying, been spit up on, and missed a nap. So understand when we don't want to repeat the whole thing over again and opt to go home.
* We like to come visiting. But we expect to be entertained, feed, and paid attention to. And we might breastfeed in front of you. Get over it, we are your guests.
* If we do come to visit it would be helpful if you: a. Have at least 2 episodes of YoGabbaGabba on your DVR; b. Vacuum; c. Have Cheerios. We are also scared of your pets, even if we loved them before and have pets ourselves. We are dumb, we know.
* Taking a walk with you and the baby is like the most awesome thing ever.
* And lastly, since we hardly ever get out, when we do go out we have really high expectations. Don't disappoint us.
Here is a brief commentary of the New Social Order that goes along with parenthood. Mommies and Daddies will agree, Non-parents go an have fun without us, we kinda understand....
* Dinners out should start at 5PM. This way they don't conflict with naps, bedtimes, baths, or actually being hungry. Oh and they have to be on Saturday or Sunday only.
* Don't expect to see us out before 10PM and after 12:30AM. We have to make sure baby is put to bed, before leaving baby with babysitter. I know it is a little ridiculous to think that someone else can't put baby to sleep, but it is true. And even if baby sleeps through the night baby will still be awake at 6:30AM and won't understand that Mom and Dad were dirty stay outs.
* We need notice, lots of notice. 4 weeks are preferable. Sure you don't have to send a "save the date" for your 32nd B-Day party 4 months in advance, but honestly it wouldn't hurt. Babysitters need to be arranged and Moms need to psyche themselves up and think about what they are going to wear for at least 3 weeks to be properly presentable.
* Visitors are always welcome. But don't actually expect to be entertained, feed, or paid attention to. Oh, and we breastfeeders may do it in front of you. Get over it, it is our house.
* Parties will start after 9PM, so that we don't have to breastfeed in front of you and so that baby is put to bed. But don't ring the doorbell or make any noise in general in fear of waking the baby. (See above too.)
* Canceling should be expected. Fevers, teething, vomit, poop, fire, or forgetting are all valid excuses. But childless people cannot cancel on us. EVER. We planned way too much for your ass to cancel on us.
* Naps. They get in the way. Deal with it.
* "Child friendly" is subjective and depends on our mood. Sometimes "child friendly" is a bar at 4PM on a Sunday. Sometimes "child friendly" is your black tie wedding. It depends on the day. We mostly assume that day events that are outside are "child friendly," we are disappointed when the beer spitting/wet t-shirt contest begins, but that is the risk we take.
* We travel in packs. There is safety in numbers, plus it is harder to tell that it is your kid making all of the noise when there are 5 other kids.
* If you have not seen us in 6+ months, that just means that no one has gotten married or died. Don't take it personal.
* When we are out, and child-free we will act inappropriately and be obnoxious because: a. We hardly drink and one glass of wine wrecks us; b. We are so happy to be out we can hardly contain ourselves; c. Us moms are 20% dumber than we were before the baby (this needs a whole blog to itself); d. We are feeling guilty about being out and must hide our shame with stupid jokes and babble.
* Three hours out with the baby is a lot of time. We probably changed a diaper, did a feeding, dealt with crying, been spit up on, and missed a nap. So understand when we don't want to repeat the whole thing over again and opt to go home.
* We like to come visiting. But we expect to be entertained, feed, and paid attention to. And we might breastfeed in front of you. Get over it, we are your guests.
* If we do come to visit it would be helpful if you: a. Have at least 2 episodes of YoGabbaGabba on your DVR; b. Vacuum; c. Have Cheerios. We are also scared of your pets, even if we loved them before and have pets ourselves. We are dumb, we know.
* Taking a walk with you and the baby is like the most awesome thing ever.
* And lastly, since we hardly ever get out, when we do go out we have really high expectations. Don't disappoint us.
posted by Alaina @ 6:29 PM
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