It is the start of a new season. Thoughts of summertime dance in your head. The winter is almost behind us. You get a little spring fever to compliment your cabin fever. Yes, tis the season for skinny bitches to collapse on the subway.
Every year like clock work it happens. The weather warms up, people are still bundled up, the subway is still blasting heat, and women start dieting in preparation for the summertime. And not healthy dieting. The diet where you stop eating to make up for all of the Dunkin Donuts you have been pounding for the last 6 months. And low and behold skinny bitches are passing out left and right.
This morning was the first in the new season. Between Delancy and 2nd Avenue on the F train at around 8:40AM I hear "IS ANYONE A DOCTOR?" Of course no one answers. You hear a bunch of shifting and people are trying to see what is going down. I didn’t even have to pick my head up. I knew what was going down. A mal-nutrious woman had just fainted. The people around her shove her into a seat. Someone panics and thinks they are witnessing a tragedy. Sorry. But she just needs some sugar. Usually the person that passes out comes to and has the sense to get off the train at the next stop. But we got to 2nd Avenue and she didn’t want to get off the train. We get to Broadway Lafayette and bam, she passes out again. This time some genius suggests pulling the emergency brake. Now why do people think this makes sense? Oh yeah, lets trap the sick person in the subway car where no help can get to them. The doors open and 3 people drag her out on to the platform.
She wakes up again and starts screaming about her bag. Seems like one of the concerned citizens stole her bag. Nice. Meanwhile an express train arrived on the opposite track. And Mrs. Paciulli didn’t raise a dummy. I got off the train and got the hell out of there. (As a got off at 42nd street they were making the announcement that uptown F and V service was dead.)
Now I could be totally wrong and this poor woman has a serious medical condition and her passing out has nothing to do with eating or not eating. And if I am wrong I am sorry. But by the looks of the situation, I think a banana before her commute or a small glass of OJ would do her some good. My theory about the skinny bitches is based on this: I have been in this situation about a dozen times and it is always a skinny mini that passes out. I have never seen a big girl go down. Never once. And by big girl, I don’t mean fat. I mean a girl that looks like she eats three meals per day.
Consider this a public safety announcement. Eat a muffin. Not eating slows the whole system down.
Thank you.
Every year like clock work it happens. The weather warms up, people are still bundled up, the subway is still blasting heat, and women start dieting in preparation for the summertime. And not healthy dieting. The diet where you stop eating to make up for all of the Dunkin Donuts you have been pounding for the last 6 months. And low and behold skinny bitches are passing out left and right.
This morning was the first in the new season. Between Delancy and 2nd Avenue on the F train at around 8:40AM I hear "IS ANYONE A DOCTOR?" Of course no one answers. You hear a bunch of shifting and people are trying to see what is going down. I didn’t even have to pick my head up. I knew what was going down. A mal-nutrious woman had just fainted. The people around her shove her into a seat. Someone panics and thinks they are witnessing a tragedy. Sorry. But she just needs some sugar. Usually the person that passes out comes to and has the sense to get off the train at the next stop. But we got to 2nd Avenue and she didn’t want to get off the train. We get to Broadway Lafayette and bam, she passes out again. This time some genius suggests pulling the emergency brake. Now why do people think this makes sense? Oh yeah, lets trap the sick person in the subway car where no help can get to them. The doors open and 3 people drag her out on to the platform.
She wakes up again and starts screaming about her bag. Seems like one of the concerned citizens stole her bag. Nice. Meanwhile an express train arrived on the opposite track. And Mrs. Paciulli didn’t raise a dummy. I got off the train and got the hell out of there. (As a got off at 42nd street they were making the announcement that uptown F and V service was dead.)
Now I could be totally wrong and this poor woman has a serious medical condition and her passing out has nothing to do with eating or not eating. And if I am wrong I am sorry. But by the looks of the situation, I think a banana before her commute or a small glass of OJ would do her some good. My theory about the skinny bitches is based on this: I have been in this situation about a dozen times and it is always a skinny mini that passes out. I have never seen a big girl go down. Never once. And by big girl, I don’t mean fat. I mean a girl that looks like she eats three meals per day.
Consider this a public safety announcement. Eat a muffin. Not eating slows the whole system down.
Thank you.
posted by Alaina @ 6:28 PM
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